Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
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Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.