I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I think a kid would responsible me up
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.