you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
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Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
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I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name