i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
