I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize