party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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