just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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