Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the day after is always just damage control
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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