How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Randomize