I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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