That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Randomize
