it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
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