You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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