maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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