I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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