So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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