I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
