I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
