it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
people are starting to question the shark bite story
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
