The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Randomize
