Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize