Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
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The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
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I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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