how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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