I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
