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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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