then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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