A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
We talked him into tasing himself.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
