sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
