No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
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