yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
