Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
