I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
