just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
