i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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