another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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