Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Just high enough for therapy.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
