i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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