When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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