I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
