people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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