STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Randomize
