sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Randomize
