my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize