My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
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Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
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Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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