Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
