I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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