wake up i wanna do it froggy style
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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