why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
