Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
