I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
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