So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
He felt like a one man threesome
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
