I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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