; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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