Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize