After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
