Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize