Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
My feet surprised me
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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