I heard we made out
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Randomize
