I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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