My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
