Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
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