I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
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