no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
