You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
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