Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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