This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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