Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
