remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Randomize
