apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
