You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
